Thursday, June 9, 2011

Gloom, Despair & Agony on Me...

I've had to be out five days in a row.  Each time Out Of Town.  This is a Bad Thing.  My body tells me this as loudly as it possibly can.  Of course, my mom thinks you can't have 9-10 pain unless you're in childbirth (eg screaming yada yada).  ::rolls eyes::  Jen may be discharged on Saturday.  Gotta love insurance. /sarcasm    I need more pain meds.  I need to remember that hindsight is 20/20 and that I'm not responsible for Jennifer's diseases or emotions.  That's the hardest part.  I'm exhausted.  I hurt.  I'm not sure how much/long I can take.  I don't know what's going to happen or how things are going to turn out.  I love and cherish my daughter.  I want what is best for her.  But I also have to think about the health & welfare of myself, my husband and my son as well.  Tightrope anyone?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Need A Hug...

My pain level is five out of five cats today.  I couldn't wear my cpap Friday night because I was in so much pain & so stressed out.  I managed to do it last night when I finally got to sleep about 0200ish.  I woke up with my left leg all knotted up.  It still hurts.  My whole left side feels like... crapdoodles.  Sorry, no other way to really put that.  Jennifer went berserk on Thursday for three hours and finally did a good amount of cleaning even though she screamed for three hours at the top of her lungs that the netbook was hers and I had no right to take it away from her.

On Friday she got onto the main CPU in my office, which I no longer can use because of my pain levels so it only gets used by Corwyn & Jennifer.  I told her to get off & deal with 'the clothes'.  There were two baskets in the office that needed sorting to go to Plato's Closet (consignment shop that will straight out buy your clothes) and unbeknownst to me, a basket of clean clothes in her room.  She stomped off to get that basket, which surprised me and freaked her out when I mentioned it.  Then she shut the office door and proceeded to read fanfic while folding clothes.  Fifteen minutes later I checked on her and she had folded maybe as many as 15 items (some of which were underwear).  I told her that she should not be on the computer while folding clothes and that if she needed to do so she could fold clothes in my bedroom (where there is a tv but she would also be with me.  Then I said that I would put on the timer for 30 minutes and I expected her to have the clothes done in that time.  I actually gave her somewhere between 10-20 minutes more.  There were still about 4" of clothing left unfolded in the basket and I said that the computer would have to be turned off.

She screamed.  The upshot of it was that two hours later, she had bitten (or tried to bite) me, beaten on me, kicked me, pulled the door off of the cpu section of the desk (I hadn't realized before then that she'd pulled off most of the front of the desk and eaten it), screamed the whole time and then finally stomped off to her room.  I called her psychiatrist's on call.  I was called back and the word was, "Get her to the closest ER for evaluation, do not pass go, do not collect $200."  At the ER it was determined she needed inpatient and after 4 hours she was taken by ambulance up to Nashvagas.  (Well, technically it was Mad'son.  No, really... if you're ever seen them drive...).  We got back to Smurfreesboro about midnight?  0100??  It was late, I had a migraine & my pain levels were a 10.  With meds.  Purrs, prayers, candles, incense, good thoughts etcetera greatly appreciated.