Sunday, December 18, 2011

Potassium

3.1 Not good.  The question is, was it really just that med I was taking?  And how the flip do I tell if it's back to normal?  I mean, that chest pain is still there.  And where is all that flipping bruising coming from?  As much as I really really really don't want to be stuck in a hospital, I'd dearly love to be in one where they would just play with my blood & stuff until they figure out what the frip is wrong with me.  I am so sick & tired of being sick & tired.  It bites.  Big time.

On top of that I have hot & cold running mid-life crisis old man.  Three months after walking out the door he's living with her.  Now admittedly he's had a stroke.  I did say that I was glad he had somewhere he would be monitored 24/7 but I didn't mean fricking move in with her on a permanent basis.  And I don't care if he doesn't like it, he's not getting out of going to therapy.  It has nothing to do with getting back together.  It has to do with a) helping me b) him learning how to fricking communicate since THAT is why he fricking left in the first place c) helping me d) helping my children.

But I'm tried of hot & cold running man.  I guess that's really reason c.  He's conflicted & he feels guilty.  he should feel guilty.  He left a suicidally depressed woman abruptly with no good support base.  He never EVER did anything to try to FIX the situation at ANY time even though I asked.  I tried asking for help but he never got it.  He never heard it.  I know that I did things wrong.  I hold 50% of the blame.  But otoh I DID ask what was wrong.  I DID ask for him to go with me to therapy and was brutally rebuffed.

NOT FAIR.

So, how long has my potassium been low?  I need to look at my medical papers.  Which is difficult since a certain young lady sucks at cleaning her room, rather like my mother & late brother & aunts at the same age.  David & I were both neatniks.  What other vitamin/mineral deficiencies could I have?  And if I do, and they've made a problem you know what the first thing I'll hear out of him??  "Well I TOLD you you weren't eating right."  I need a tissue.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I went & got my mammogram... and of course, my appointment was after Dale walked out on me.  Wheee!  Still nothing thank goodness, which was a relief.  I said something to him about the fact that I was extremely likely to have to deal with it and he was all like WTF?? He's lucky I didn't smack him into the next century.  I pointed out that my great-grandmother died from it, my grandmother had a radical mastectomy (lived ~25 years after) & my mother had a lumpectomy.  He said, "I didn't know that."  WTF?!?!  I only said that about a gazillion times!!!  When a sister-in-law had breast cancer and decided to have a mastectomy on both sided even though only one side was involved, she did it because of genetic markers.  She tested because of a family history.  MF!!  I mentioned it THEN!!  SEVERAL times!!  I mentioned it BEFORE that... MORE THAN ONCE!!

Can I kill him now?  ::sigh::  No.  I still love him & I still hope he'll come to his senses.  ::sigh::


"Don't forget that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month!!
But we keep up our Breast Cancer area in our shop all year around.
Mom has a history of post-menopausal breast cancer in her family."


Friday, September 9, 2011

Thanks Dear!!

Monday my ... I don't know what to call him anymore... told me that he still really didn't have the words to tell but  all of his friends had been able to tell that he'd been unhappy and he hasn't loved for two to three months so we were separating.  WTF???  So now, on TOP of all the frelling pain & depression I've been having for months I get to have more.  I am hereby changing my name to Dancing with Knives.  It's just a damn good thing for the sanity of my family that I promised my bff Lucy that I'd never kill myself because she doesn't have a damn thing to wear to my funeral (plus now she lives in Texas so there's that whole airfare issue & my dad already having lost a son would be horrible wounded even though technically I'll just a stepdaughter & I have kids yada yada yada).  This sucks.  Especially since I have enough opioids.

Not Happy,
Me


Friday, August 12, 2011

Where's My Houseboy/Masseuse/Driver/Etcetera??

Seriously, I need that... and a ramp on the front porch... maybe even a bigger porch.  And while we're at it, why don't we have a thingamabob on the back of my van so I can actually use the electric scooter I have?  So long as we're dreaming... bigger master closet, bathroom (I want a tub I can actually fit my entire body into), a linen closet, a front bathroom that actually has green board instead of whatever it is that is messed up from water (and has mold... ick!)... and... and... and... oh yeah, and the gutters too.  Trust me, if I could work, I would work!!  Geez Louise!!  In other news, one of my best friends just lost her mother and I need to scrape up enough spoons to make at least the visitation.  She'll understand if I don't, she has spoon problems herself, but damn, I am SO tired of not having enough spoons to do the things I need to do, much less the things I want to do.

Which explains the cat telling me to get my bu... fingers off of the laptop.  heh.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah

In other words, it's my daughter's 18th birthday.  She's stunning but I wasn't able to give her anything close to the type of birthday I would have liked.  I couldn't do a birthday lunch (other than That Scottish Restaurant) because... gee... no money.  Her gifts consisted of the same types of things she's gotten every year (with the exception of the plethora of kickin' footies) because... gee... no money.  And, of course, no energy.  Add in a dash or two of both of us having Other Issues.  Not so much with each other except where they come merely because they exist.  I'd go on, but there is this cat sitting at my side going, "Mom.  You had three days, technically four since you had a doctor's appointment on Monday, where you Did Things.  You Need To Rest and Recover Now.  Pet me.  Don't try to tell me that you haven't needed all that extra napping I've been making you do.  Pet me.  That's right.  Put down the computer and back away.  But not before you hand me some more treats.  Oh, and pet me."

(If I had the money, I'd buy one of my own t-shirts!)

Monday, August 1, 2011

How long will this last??

I've been sick... I'm going to have to go to a doc in the box.  I hate this.  I'm wearing a pain patch which is working well... except for the fact that it fripping itches.  I need a housekeeper and a driver and I can't afford either.  I seriously need to win the lottery because SSA seems like a dream that will never come.  gah.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Gloom, Despair & Agony on Me...

I've had to be out five days in a row.  Each time Out Of Town.  This is a Bad Thing.  My body tells me this as loudly as it possibly can.  Of course, my mom thinks you can't have 9-10 pain unless you're in childbirth (eg screaming yada yada).  ::rolls eyes::  Jen may be discharged on Saturday.  Gotta love insurance. /sarcasm    I need more pain meds.  I need to remember that hindsight is 20/20 and that I'm not responsible for Jennifer's diseases or emotions.  That's the hardest part.  I'm exhausted.  I hurt.  I'm not sure how much/long I can take.  I don't know what's going to happen or how things are going to turn out.  I love and cherish my daughter.  I want what is best for her.  But I also have to think about the health & welfare of myself, my husband and my son as well.  Tightrope anyone?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Need A Hug...

My pain level is five out of five cats today.  I couldn't wear my cpap Friday night because I was in so much pain & so stressed out.  I managed to do it last night when I finally got to sleep about 0200ish.  I woke up with my left leg all knotted up.  It still hurts.  My whole left side feels like... crapdoodles.  Sorry, no other way to really put that.  Jennifer went berserk on Thursday for three hours and finally did a good amount of cleaning even though she screamed for three hours at the top of her lungs that the netbook was hers and I had no right to take it away from her.

On Friday she got onto the main CPU in my office, which I no longer can use because of my pain levels so it only gets used by Corwyn & Jennifer.  I told her to get off & deal with 'the clothes'.  There were two baskets in the office that needed sorting to go to Plato's Closet (consignment shop that will straight out buy your clothes) and unbeknownst to me, a basket of clean clothes in her room.  She stomped off to get that basket, which surprised me and freaked her out when I mentioned it.  Then she shut the office door and proceeded to read fanfic while folding clothes.  Fifteen minutes later I checked on her and she had folded maybe as many as 15 items (some of which were underwear).  I told her that she should not be on the computer while folding clothes and that if she needed to do so she could fold clothes in my bedroom (where there is a tv but she would also be with me.  Then I said that I would put on the timer for 30 minutes and I expected her to have the clothes done in that time.  I actually gave her somewhere between 10-20 minutes more.  There were still about 4" of clothing left unfolded in the basket and I said that the computer would have to be turned off.

She screamed.  The upshot of it was that two hours later, she had bitten (or tried to bite) me, beaten on me, kicked me, pulled the door off of the cpu section of the desk (I hadn't realized before then that she'd pulled off most of the front of the desk and eaten it), screamed the whole time and then finally stomped off to her room.  I called her psychiatrist's on call.  I was called back and the word was, "Get her to the closest ER for evaluation, do not pass go, do not collect $200."  At the ER it was determined she needed inpatient and after 4 hours she was taken by ambulance up to Nashvagas.  (Well, technically it was Mad'son.  No, really... if you're ever seen them drive...).  We got back to Smurfreesboro about midnight?  0100??  It was late, I had a migraine & my pain levels were a 10.  With meds.  Purrs, prayers, candles, incense, good thoughts etcetera greatly appreciated.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

If It's Not One Thing...

Then it's gotta be three others... I managed to make it through my daughter's graduation and dinner afterwards but by then she was done to a fare-thee-well and I was worse.  So I wasn't able to go to my son's Spring choral recital.  Fortunately my dad recorded it!   She graduated on the 21st.  I'm still recovering.  I still have the bruise on my left wrist/arm from where I went down the Ramp From Hell in my wheelchair.  I couldn't get my chair to slow down even trying to stop the wheels with my racing gloves on and regardless of what the idjet woman in the orange vest said to my son about how he should have helped me (yes, the one who didn't even hop up to help) he wouldn't have been able to stop me unless he'd been pushing me from the start and even then he'd have had a hard time!!  Like I said, Ramp From Hell.  All architects... wait, make that all architects AND building inspectors yada yada, should be required to spend a week... no wait, make that TWO WEEKS using crutches, then two weeks on a cane and then two weeks in a chair... all of them with various body parts in devices that don't allow them to have various levels of 'disability'.  And I hate to tell these people something but Gee Golly Whillikers!

Okay... falling asleep now!!  More latter!!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

It's Been a Hard... Week!

I've been having fibro flares out the ying-yang.  In fact, it's probably more like two or three weeks.  Sitting at a 7-9 most days.  meh.  I've had two sick cats, being denied again by SSD and weather weather weather.  Next week doesn't look like it's going to be any better.  Four days of being "out and about".  Even using the wheelchair I'm going to be flat on my back.  And if I hear one more person say I could "work from home" I think I'll go ballistic.  I rarely have a week when there isn't one doctor visit or another.  The cpap machine at the titration study seemed to help while still being comfortable for me... at least I wasn't stopping breathing.  And evidently I've developed restless leg syndrome, because about the time that the klonipin would be wearing off my legs started twitching.  So, of course, the next morning my husband says, "I haven't seen your legs moving but you often move your hands when you're sleeping."  Maybe that explains why they hurt so much when I wake up.  My sleep is all funky right now which I hate.  This can stop anytime now.  No, really!!


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Mom......Dead?

Mom has been dead all weekend! Sad poor mommy! And she even drove us to school on Monday even though she was feeling really bad! Isn't she sweet! Hey! Where'd the kitten go? She was here.......but now I bet she's with mom...cause mom is awesome.......now Knives just left....*pout*...of course considering someone is feeding them....My ankle hurts...it really needs to stop that...I mean seriously....almost constant for the past two days!
Peace Out!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Pdoc, Sleeping & Cats...

So today I went to see my pdoc.  Dr. Baron is cool.  He specializes in pain patients which kicks since in addition to my ever so lovely bipolar & PTSD I've got chronic myofasical pain (last pain-free day was Oct '87) & fibromyalgia lalala yada yada yada.  I got rid of the osteoarthritis in my knees when I got bionic knees in 2010 but now I've got the joy of arthritis in my other joints.  wheeeee!  The weather right now is rainy rainy righty wristy going crazy.  I'm totally right-sided, even though I'm slightly ambidextrous, and that's where I have tons of fun stuff going on.  I double dislocated my right ankle a few years ago and it hasn't been right (no pun intended) ever since.  I was in a cast for some time but the swelling hasn't ever gone down.  I'm constantly straining it.  And because I have to compensate for it... well, you get the picture.  Where was I?

Oh yeah.  Dr. Baron.  He asked how I was.  HA!  I just lost my first appeal for SSD.  SSD seems to think I'm perfectly capable of working.  Well, I went to Nashvegas to see Dr. Baron today.  I didn't have anyone who could take me.  This means I won't be able to leave my house for two days.  Right now my pain level is at an 8.  With the percocet.  I'm depressed, anxious, in pain, and living on the edge.  On Thursday night I get to have a titration study because the sleep study found that contrary to the last sleep study I had a couple of years ago, now I have sleep apnea.  Wheeeeee!  Hello, you stop breathing at least 7 times an hour while you sleep.  Oh?  Really?  Okay.  That sounds like fun.

So, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah.  Dr. Baron.  He's upping one of my meds & gave me something prn for anxiety.  This is good.  I spent the weekend nursing the 'baby' of the house Audrey.  She's 10 months old and had a fever of 105.8 which was 106 when the vet met us at his office on Saturday.  He said it was a good thing we'd taken her in because we'd probably have lost her if we'd waited until Monday.  I trust my gut.  So, even though my husband thinks "oh we can just do it ourselves and save the money" my gut says go with the lawyer for the second SSD appeal.  I'm not in any shape to do it.  But Audrey got better very quickly and by yesterday was back to playing with her hair bands and making me laugh.  Laughter is good.  It helps.

I had four cats hanging around with me this afternoon once I got home.  I haven't had fewer than two on the bed with me.  They know what kind of shape mom is in and they want to make me feel better.  Cats help me cope.  I'm just trying to figure out who's going to clean their litterboxes when the kids graduate college.  ::rueful grin::

Audrey & Star managed to talk Jennifer & Corwyn into fixing me dinner.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

With Friends Like These... (also put up on LJ's dot_gimp_snark)

So I'm up on Facebook and one of my 'friends' posts this little gem...

why doesn't the government truly audit the social security disability recipients? why do we allow parents to get disability for kids with ADD, why do we pay people 1000.00 a month because they claim to have high anxiety and obesity and claim they cant work? people with stress, fibromyalgia and depression with the aid of medications can get up and work, why don't we force them to work, atleast part time there are many jobs working from home, but we just keep shelling out the money to ones who could possibly do some on their own.

Excuse me? I happen to have fibromyalgia, chronic myofascial pain (last pain-free day was in October 1987), bipolar depression, PTSD, sleep disorders, chronic migraines and a slew of other problems. If I run errands or go to a doctor's appointment I can't move out of my bed the next day. In fact, I spend most of my time in bed because of fatigue and pain. I take anti-depressants and even with four percocet and three heavy muscle relaxants a day my pain levels are 6+ EVERY SINGLE DAY. I've TRIED to work. I've LOOKED for things I can do. There IS NOT ANYTHING I CAN DO. And I was just turned down for the second time for SSD. I pray to God you NEVER have to endure the pain I do every day.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Which was my response to them.  It wasn't until later that I found out this post was a response to frelling Huckabee.  cuss cuss cuss cuss cuss cuss and some more cussing.  These people should be SO thankful I don't know where they live because right NOW??  I am about ready to hunt some people down and put them in the amount of pain I'm in right now.  And what is that??  9

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Audrey & I are both sick... meh

I just got back from taking Audrey to the vet on an emergency visit.  She was running a temp of 106 when she got there (105.8 at home).  Her feline leukemia & aids test was negative.  She got shots for her fever & an antibiotic as well as meds for both to bring home.  I'll take her back on Monday.

When I got home I was feeling warm myself.  My temp was 99.6.  meh.  I hope it's just allergies.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Sleep Apnea & the House... meh

Dr. McGovern from Vanderbilt's Sleeping Disorder called me today.  My AHI is 8.5 so yep, I have mild Sleep Apnea.  wheeee!  The last sleep study I have a few years ago only showed I wasn't reaching Delta sleep.  So I now have an appointment for a titration study on May 5th.  It's so wonderful finding out that you stop breathing 7+ times an hour while you're sleeping.  But at least now I know why I don't feel rested when I wake up.  ::sigh::

Right now my ears hurt... again.  It's another thing that's been driving me nuts.  Along with my headaches being more and more and more... meh.  And I'm starting to agree with Dale that the house is being the House from Hell.  I mean, I've always had a wee bit of trouble with the fact that it's not all one level but I like the 24' above ground pool outside because it gives me a place to exercise in the late spring, summer & early fall.  I like the floors in the living room and the upper level bedroom because they're made from church pews.  But there are problems..


This is the worst of it.  The front bathroom.  There was no way to tell when we moved it.  No way I guess since he didn't say anything, for the inspector to catch it.  But the walls around the tub were done in regular drywall and NOT greenwall the way you're supposed to do with bathrooms.  The house needs painting.  The windows need sealing.  The gutters need replacing and we'd really like to replace the wood siding that's on the section that was added onto the brick.  It was the garage.  If we could afford to replace it with vinyl or something we wouldn't have to repaint it.  I don't even want to think about other things that might need to be done.  And in the realm of dreams would be redoing the master bed/bath.  Our closet is small and if I had a genie to give me whatever I wanted I'd change the bath into a walk-in closet, our current closet into a linen closet (we have none at the moment) and make a larger bathroom with a longer/deeper tub, a double sink & a higher toilet.  Then I'd enclose the patio area so the cats could roam 'outside' and maybe put a roof on in hopes I could heat the pool and use it in the winter.  While we're at it, maybe a hot tub!  ::grin::  Where's the lottery when you need it?  Not likely!  I just got turned down on my first appeal for SSD.  Which means I'll need to get a lawyer or I can hang it up.  And I can not work, no matter what they think I can do.  ::head:laptop::

Precious Needs a HOME! Please Boost the Signal!!

Precious lost her mom... her foster mom has her in her mother's bedroom but her mother is about to come home & will need her bedroom back.  The store of Precious is <a href="http://brianshome-me.blogspot.com/">here</a>!  Please take a minute to see if <b>you</b> might be just the person to provide Precious her Forever Home & if not, please please please boost the signal!!  Thank you!!

YAY! The Private Rescue Opens Second Cathouse!!

 This is Audrey ne√® Sparkes as a kitten.
 She was fostered at Chrystal's private rescue, run by Chrystal and her family.  We saw this picture on her blog called daily dose of dogs (aka cats with your coffee).  Her brother Ash found a home and Sparkles was heartbroken.  She spent months looking for a Forever Home but one one seemed to want her because she growled at the other cats.  Now I have introduced cats who weren't comfortable with other cats for decades.  And Sparkles looked just like the Founder of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde Christopher T Cat.  Just like StarWatcher and just like our current black cat StarWalker BitCat the ComputerKitty.  We were all in love with her and finally we decided we just had to have her in our family!!  So we asked if she could be a member of the Horde.  Chrystal was so excited and so were we!!  I wasn't worried about her fitting in, after all, as long as she got used to the Horde within a year it wouldn't be a problem.  Did I mention I've done this before??  ::grin::
 On the way home the kids and I thought her name was Nova.  Dale insisted her name was really Audrey.  Well, it turned out that Dale was right!  Her name officially became Lady Audrey Nova StarWatcher (that last in honor of StarWatcher who was the second black cat of the Horde when Star was adopted at the age of four weeks).  Her use name is Audrey but she is most definitely a Lady in every way.  It took her awhile to become friendly with her brothers although she still has an archnemesis in her brother Knives.  Her first friend was her twin brother of another mother StarWalker which surprised none of us!  This was followed by the 'twins' Zaphoid Beeblebrox and Sir Thomas of Snuggle.
Please joint with the Tims and Princess of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde
in promoting Neuter and Spay of cats & dogs... it is safer & healthier for your fur friends!!
Thank you!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Tornadoes, No Power, Pain... But We Have Flowers!!!

Tornadoes bad... woke up at 0600 with the airport siren going off.  At 0630 the power went out & I, being the most wonderful wife in the world (okay, I confess, I was going out anyway to get cat litter & American Spirits) ventured out to get the heart of my heart and the soul of my soul some hot coffee.  I had to drive two miles before I got somewhere that had power!!  The kicker was when the second major intersection had the police cruiser parked at it (normal) but the officer was IN the cruiser (say what?!) rather than directing traffic like all of the other officers.  Gee, hope no one had a wreck, can we say note in your permanent record??  So, with the weather being weather in the Spring in Middle Tennessee my pain levels are going "Woman??  Hey!  Woman!!  Guess what?  Even with the four percocets & three muscle relaxers your pain levels will be over 8 today!!  Wheeee!"  But...

Last night my husband had class followed by band practice.  This happens every Tuesday night.  Well, class doesn't, he just started graduate school to try to get a degree so he can ::cross fingers:: teach a class or more at MTSU where he is the facilities director in the Recording Industries department.  Band practice... that's several nights a week... tres important, not just because bands need to practice but because people need time for themselves, especially when they're having to carry the burden of supporting the family and taking care of their spouse.  Of course, when I found out about my rejection from SSD I called him.  He was studying for a test for class so we couldn't talk long but he gave me verbal hugs (he's very good at that!!).  When he came home he was holding his hands behind his back and grinning at me with a twinkle in his eye.  I know that gleam.  It means he's picked up something to help make me feel better.  This is what he got last night...

(not the vase, I already had that ::grin::)
I adore my husband... I think I'll keep him!!  He helps as much as the cats!  ::twinkle::

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Time to Call a Lawyer...


Well, I can't say it was unexpected but it was sure as all get out disappointing.  I just got denied for my first appeal for SSD.  You only get two so that means it's time to get a lawyer.  meh.  I soooOOOooo didn't need this today.  I've got a sick cat, a daughter whose stomach was not doing well followed by an anxiety attack and the usual pain pain pain and... oh yeah, pain.  What fun.  NOT!  ::sigh::  I'm going to go hang out in the Cat Blogosphere chat after I take some Imitrex (there's some more fun... self-injectors... at least it doesn't hurt as much as the new 'needleless'  injectors ICK!).

Monday, April 25, 2011

bleh

Star doesn't feel good.  I had to go get him antibiotics because he now has an abcess on his head in addition to his eye being infected/hurt/whatever it is.  Trying to keep him in is about as easy as keeping a Childhood Onset Bipolar/ADD kid out of the street when there is something shiny on the other side.  ::sigh::  The weather is being... interesting which means that I'm feeling... interesting.  Isn't life grand?

This also means that Star is in Ultimate Ninja Mode.  Now you see him.  Now you don't.  Sometimes he's by my head purring and letting me pet him, the next minute he thinks I'm Satan and is hissing at me to let me know What For!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Two Things...

First, my 'baby' Star isn't feeling well.  I took him to the vet yesterday for an emergency visit because his eye was looking bad.  The vet gave him some drops & told me to call if he started getting worse over the weekend.  So, of course, last night he got out (he's an indoor/outdoor cat, which I'd tried to avoid when we moved here in '05 to no avail) and returned with a wet head with two sores.  ::head:laptop::  Since it's Easter and he seems to be feeling okay otherwise I may wait until tomorrow morning to take him back into our vet.

I'd also like to share one of my favorite books on fibromyalgia & chronic myofasical pain.  A friend of ours recommended it to me and I found a copy on eBay.  It's called Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain: A Survival Manual (Second Edition) by Devin Starlanyl & Mary Ellen Copeland. (ISBN 1-57224-238-8).  It's got good sections on trigger points, comorbid disorders and so on.

Okay, gotta run.

Support Service Dogs for Soldiers with PTSD

I'm a Navy brat.  I also have PTSD, primarily due to childhood abuse (in turn due to my late father's PTSD which was in turn due to his own childhood abuse).  So when I saw this on my Facebook page, naturally I immediately went over and signed my name to the petition.  It's a petition to help veterans help rebuild their lives with service dogs, and particularly dogs from shelters, who have PTSD.  I added a note that service cats also be included because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde certainly help me.  They also help me with my chronic myofascial pain & fibromyalgia.  I encourage others to go over and look at this.  If you feel the same way, please take a minute to sign this as well.  Thanks!!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Teenagers, My Head & the Lilac Bush

Corwyn's had two friends (15 yo twins with red hair whom my daughter refers to as Fred & George) over for the weekend.  The twins brought over their PS2 and Yu-Gi-Oh cards and so the boys have been playing with those as well as Corwyn's bow & arrows and his SCA combat gear.  In fact, they managed to track down some pvc, foam & duct tape so they could make two more swords since Corwyn's other swords & his helm had been loaned out for an event called Gulf Wars.  Of course, they didn't ask me before they did this so they ended up using red, purple & black duct tape resulting in rainbow swords.  When I said something about it, Corwyn looked at me with a Typical Teen Face and I explained that if they'd mentioned it I would have either a) tracked down silver duct tape or b) given them money to get more from the Kroger's down the street.  ::rolls motherly eyes::

In other news, my head still hates me with a pink & purple passion.  My feet also hate me.  Bad feet, no biscuit!!  Now I spend a lot of time in bed so I'm constantly doing leg exercises.  Stretching, pushing my knees into a pillow, pumping my feet, lifting my legs la la la yada yada yada.  Lately my [brain fart... part of the foot between the toes & the arch] have been hurting... well, hurting more than usual.  So, of course, I've been trying to move them more.  My massaging them is not an option.  If I do Things Like That my body very quickly yells at me to tell me that I'm doing too much.  I've found out that the reason my body stings from the inside out is because of my amount of activity.  meh.

This really really really bugs me because I used to do things.  Before my knees went out I walked at least a mile & a half twice a day.  I loved (no, really... stop laughing!!) cleaning the floor by getting down on my hands & knees and scrubbing it.  I could clean my house from top to bottom in under two hours and I had a blast totally revamping rooms by moving furniture around & stuff several times a year.  So.  Let me describe Thursday.

Thursday I had some extra cash.  I also had a closet that didn't have enough clothes that I can tolerate when I've done too much.  With the fibro, when I do too much I can't wear anything but silk & soft soft soft linen & only certain cottons & microfiber.  With the chronic pain, when I do too much... well, same thing.  Finding clothes that I can afford is like pulling teeth with a plumbers whatsit (see?  fibro fog!).  So I tend to shop at thrift stores.  Fortunately there is a really good one near me called All Things Possible.  Every month they have set sales on things.  The last Saturday of the month is 99&cent; on all clothes under $10.00.  Thursday was the same sale on all women's clothing!  Whoot!  I actually spent over an hour... okay, maybe two... shopping.  I went through tons of stuff.  The only good thing about doing this is that by the time I start trying things on I'm dying and so if it feels okay at the store, it will feel okay no matter how bad a day I'm having!!

I ended up finding four dresses & a bunch of shirts.  I spent ~$40 and basically got a new spring/summer wardrobe for me & for my daughter.  Dresses are good things for days when my IBS & stuff because my stomach gets so sensitive that I can't stand anything pressing on it.  My daughter has the same problem & she wears jeans & skirts at her hips.  Trying to find nightclothes I can wear is darn near impossible because the loverly microfiber which is soooo comfy tends to have spaghetti straps.  GAH!!!!  Hate to tell you designers but WE DON'T LIKE THOSE!!!  Give us WIDE straps!!  Once my SSD comes through I'm going to go hit up JC Penny's where they actually have pretty bras in my size (40DD) and underwear I can tolerate.  And that's another thing!!  What is it about putting itchy elastic on underwear??  Or nightclothes??  Hey guys!!  Again, hate to tell you but there are a TON of us who want covered elastic!!  And if you're going to put any lace on... make it soft.  Seriously, I'm going to hunt you all down and make YOU wear this crap.  For a week!!  Then we'll see what you think about it!!  There's one thing about wearing something all fru-fru and cute when you're going out on a date (even if it's just dinner at home with your spouse/so) but we're not doing that every frelling day!!  Moi??  Hot button much??  Naaaaaah.


But enough of that.  My lilac bush is blooming which is nice.  I wish I had more of them.  I got some sprigs from my mil which I wanted to plant last year but nooOOOooo, I didn't feel well, and of course no one else in the house had the time nor inclination to help me out by digging the frelling holes so I could put them in.  ::sigh::  I so want a row of them on the other side of the fence from my swimming pool.  (That was a seriously cool thing when the heart of my heart & the soul of my soul bought this house... one of the reasons he chose it was because it had a 24' above ground pool so I'd have a place to walk & hang out in good weather.  I adore my husband!!)  So, without further ado... my lilac bush... it's just a baby now (only two years old) but I have high hopes for it!


Friday, April 22, 2011

Sleep is driving me nuts...

This last week I've been falling asleep at the most bizarre times again.  And there are times when no one can wake me up.  Grrrrrrrr.  I have no idea if it's connected to pain.  My muscles are locked up like crazy and it keeps feeling like someone is driving icepicks into various parts of my head... mainly my ears & my forehead.  Gah!!  I'd scream, but it would hurt too much.  Audrey tries her best to make me feel better in the morning, purr trilling & stropping against me as well as playing the Hair Band Game.

 "See the cute?!  I look sooooo innocent when I'm sleeping!"

 "I am stunning birds with the tag mom made for me... muahahahahahaha!"

 "I've been learning how to make mom use this harness thing right."


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

If One More Person...

I had two appointments today.  One was for my daughter.  That one was actually changed from 1445 to 1000.  This was a Good Thing since I had an appointment with my pain doc at 1415.  The reason I had that appointment was because I'd forgotten the one I'd had last week due to a panic attack that my baby girl had which, being the nature of panic attacks, was totally and absolutely out of her control.  So.  At about 0830 I left a message at her pdoc.  Her pdoc's receptionist called me back at about 0900 to let me know that there was a 1000 available.  So we zipped into clothes & out the door.  Once we were there we hashed out the OMG Major Panic Attack Problems, got Jen a note for being out from school on Friday & today and then headed out of Nashvegas toward Mt. Juliet which is where my pcp's office is.  Not to go there, but to hang out in shops until closer to time for my appointment with my pain management office which is further down the road in Leb-none.

Now, I just want to say one thing.  All designers of women's sleepwear should die.  Die de die die.  Why?  It's simple.  They make sleepwear out of soft slinky stuff.  They make sleepwear that has soft shoulder straps.  They make sleepwear that has soft shoulder straps and are gowns that cover down to mid-thigh.  BUT.  None of them have ALL of these features on the same damn thing!!  No, really!!  My darling daughter and I both have sensitivity issues.  We both have IBS.  Mind you, she can wear things that I no longer can.  Duh.  But I can't wear narrow straps at all anymore.  She still can.  Some days.  Both of us prefer soft slinky stuff.  Both of us would really really really (no, really!!) like gowns that have straps that are at least half an inch wide so that they don't hurt us when they're on our shoulders.  AND WE DON'T WANT LACE!  Why??  Because it frelling HURTS!!  Oh!!  But it looks pretty!  And your a gurrrrl.  And gurrrls LIKE lace.  Bite me.  When you have frelling pain of a 6-7 every frelling day and you can't get to sleep at night because you can't find anything to sleep in and you have to have something to sleep in because sleeping nekid isn't exactly an option then YOU can come whining to me about it.  Until then, get a life.  Preferably making me sleepwear that is actually comfortable enough for me actually to sleep in!!

And just for your information, it is perfectly possible to make very feminine clothing without frelling lace.  Geez Louise!!  Do you need me to do it for you??  Seriously!  I'd make it myself if my frelling hands still worked!!!  ::rolls eyes::  As I once told my ex, "I don't care what you like to look at, I care about what I like to sleep in.  I have no problem in buying lingerie like ng along the lines of that to take off, but don't expect me to wear it for long."  As I recall, I may also have said somethi"Have you felt this??  Would you want to wear it??"  Amazing how much someone's ideas about something can change when things are put into perspective.  Excuse me, need to let a cat in.

Gah.  Well, I have five cats in now so maybe I can finally get to sleep.  This blog is called Coping With Cats for a reason after all!!  ::smile::  Audrey took the time to amuse me in the bathroom playing toss the hair bands.  It's one of her favorite games.  You hold up a hair band and she hooks it with her claws and catches it, throwing it down to the floor.  The next one she might flip up to catch in her teeth for a minute and the following one dash under my old nursing stool which sits next to the scales.  The number of hair bands varies from four to eight.  She slithers them under and around and about the legs of the stool and pops them under the scales.  Once they're all under the scales, then she has to push the scales around trying to retrieve them.  Thus, the next time you enter the bathroom you may well find yourself in the middle of a hair band war skirmish of Take No Prisoners & No Quarter Given!!  Wherein the poor blighters find themselves berift from kith and kin.  Toss about skitter scat across the boundless sea...

I finally started falling asleep typing this last night & am finishing this up this morning.  Jen had trouble getting up again this morning.  I just put her hormone meds in her med box because she forgot to take them again.  She, her pdoc, her grandmother & I are pretty sure that her hormone levels may be playing a part in her panic attacks.  My mom used to have suicidal level depression tied into her cycles.  Jen went on hormones because of severe depression & having two cycles a month!  eeep!  In other news, I was finally able to order new contacts for Corwyn and me yesterday.  Whoot!!  I leave you with a picture of Audrey playing the hair band game and spoons.  Definitely crossing paws for spoons!!

 "I also like to steal hair bands off of dad's bedside table & to carry them around the house so my Feeders will play Fetch with me!!"

This isn't in Bumper Snickers or Medical Expressions.  I've also done a graphic that says,
"The family that meds together, stays together!"  heh heh heh

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Bad Body!! No Biscuit!!

So I got the bionic knees which got rid of the osteoarthritis in my knees.  This is good, right?  Right.  But I've kept on taking the glucosamine/chondroitin/MSM because it helps with my pain.  Which turns out to be a Good Thing because now it seems that I'm starting to get osteo/arthritis in my elbows.  Oh boy.  I'm soooo excited!  Doc Jones didn't feel any crunchy noises in my wrists like she did in my elbows but that doesn't make my wrists hurt any less.  And of course I still have the lovely lovely stinging whenever I do too much.  At least I've been able to connect the tingling with Doing Too Much.  Now if I just knew why doing too much caused tingling.  Fibro?  Something else??  Anyone?  Beuller?  Anyone??

I'm still trying to figure out a way to type on my laptop without killing my wrists.  Right now I have it tilted on my legs, since my legs are propped up.  My right wrist is going, "Woman??  Wooooman??  What the heck do you think you're doing??"  Okay, it's 1800, I can take more pain meds.  Whoopdedoo.  I've been going through my collection of wrist braces again to no avail.  bleh.  Have you ever had one of those days when you want to start chopping off limbs??  If it weren't for that darn ole' phantom pain.  ::narrows eyes at phantom pain::  Poohbears!  And all of the cats have deserted me except Thomas who loves to take over my spot on the bed whenever I get up.  Mean ole' Thomas.  He's my oldest Tim*.  The funny thing is how much younger he looks than his littermate Zaphoid.  They're both 14.

"Ha!!  I have control of the bed!" - Thomas
"I will control the bed with my red & green lazer eyes" - Zapoid
One of my ChairCat designs.  This one isn't in the shop.  I have to limit what's in there.  I really need to take some time at some point and fix some stuff that's in the shop because I know that the graphics are off on some of the products.  meh.  Having to go in by hand over and over and over and and and can be ever so fun some days!  And SSD wonders why I don't have a day job.  ::rueful grin::  Seriously, that's why I only work on it about... um.... a couple of times a month maybe??

*Tim - a cat who has been broken & is no longer a Tom

Saturday, April 16, 2011

If I Change the Sheets Can My Head Fall Off??

Doncha love the fact that insurance companies only allow you to have nine migraines a month?  Well, that assumes that you only need one Imitrex per migraine to make the migraine Go Away&trade;.  Do my migraines do that?  No.  Do your migraines do that?  Gawd I hope so!!  Because it seriously bites.  Two to three migraines a week and I can treat... one.  All because I have too save up my Imitrex OR use it all up and sit where I'm sitting right now.  I have one dose left and I can't refill until next Friday.  Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!  If you are under the impression that I'm being just a weeeeeee bit sarcastic... it just goes to show how incredibly smart you are!  So now I'll force myself to get up.  I'll viciously make my teenage son help me change the sheets which so desperately need it (I'd have done it last week but....).  And then I'll take my last dose of Imitrex along with the other meds I take with it (benedryl yada yada) and pray that that works.

To the good, I did manage to read the newest Sharon Lee & Steve Miller story which just became available on Kindle, Skyblaze.  I love the Liaden Universe® series.  I'm a hard-core SF/F reader and this universe is so utterly fantastic that I can reread the books several times a year.  Yeah.  That good!  So good that Anne McCaffrey uses them as comfort books!  I rate authors by how many times I can reread their books and I only buy those I reread the most in hardcover.  There are fewer than five that I buy in hardcover.  The writing team of Sharon Lee & Steve Miller are one finger of that list.  I even have two sets of their books so I can loan them out.  My friends can tell you that I Just Don't DO That.  Oh yeah.  Diversion.  It's a pain thing.  Yeah.  They're that good.  Which lends hope to the migraine.  ::crossing fingers::


Friday, April 15, 2011

Must... Not... Fall... Asleep... ... ... YET

You can't nap on the day of a sleep study.  You can not nap on the day of a sleep study.  You can not nap on the day of a sleep study.  If I just keep telling myself this maybe, just maybe I can keep from falling asleep.  Riiiiiight.  In other news, Jen stayed home with yet another Major Panic Attack, which I wonder if it may be connected to her cycle.  I noticed a pill pack on the kitchen floor & picked it up.  Errrrrm??  Full.  Ask the girlchild, "Uh.  Shouldn't you have started these already?"  "I thought I already had!!"  "Ummm, no.  Apparently not."  ::sigh::

[teens stop reading here... no, really]
Boychick managed to get a ride home from a fellow choir member who knows his sister.  (Okay, everyone can now expire in shock.)  I'm going to stop typing, which is sure to make my wrists/arms happy... or at least one can hope!!  Then I'll shut the laptop down, take a soaky bath and head up to Nashvegas.  Jen is hanging out at her dad's house this weekend.  He'll be busy but I have the feeling that she's planning on grabbing her step-mom & going out for shopping therapy anyway.  ::grin::  Which is fine by me, I can't afford it, Jen wants sandals with heels and I know that her step-mom has good taste in shoes.  Now if Jen would just stop having a frelling panic attack in the corner because she doesn't want to put her contacts in.  I'm not sure how to deal with it and it's driving me nuts right now because I can't.

It makes me feel worse which makes her feel worse which makes me.... gaaaaaaaaah!!  Whew.  Now she's calming down.  It's extremely frustrating.  Especially when she tells me that I'm mad when I'm not.  Sorry, but telling me I'm mad when I'm not mad is more likely to make me feel mad!  arrrrrrgh!!  It's like a double standard.  And the really weird thing is that I don't tell her how she feels.  ::sigh::  Okay, getting off of computer now.


Bipolar Countdown C

Thursday, April 14, 2011

To Sleep, Perchance to Delta Wave??

Last month I went to Vandy's Sleep Clinic and actually managed to get into the sleep study that night.  There was just one itsy bitsy teeny tiny problem.  My nurse got sick so I wasn't able to do the study.  meh.  Anyway, I've been waiting and waiting and waiting, wondering when someone was going to get in touch with me about rescheduling.  Yeah, yeah... I kept meaning to call up and ask them about it.  There are just two problems with that.  First, I have to remember to do it.  Second, I have to actually do it.  Oh yeah, there's number three... I have to actually remember to do as well as have the energy to do it and not get side-tracked and... what was it again??  Oh yeah, don't get into so much pain that I can't find the phone number.

Admittedly I did try yesterday!!  No, really I did!   I called up the phone number and everything everything!!  But then the Twilight Zone intervened.  Seriously, the Planet is in Retrograde.  I called at 1100.  Mind you, Vanderbilt Clinics are normally open from 0800 to 1600.  SoooOOOooo, if you call at 1100 you shouldn't be getting a voice saying, "This office is now closed.  Our normal business hours are... If this is an emergency..."  Uh??  ::twilight zone music::  Engage brain.  Engage brain.  Okay, worked this morning and I did the smart thing and went onto My Health.  Vandy has this cool feature where you can check out your test results, appointments, message your doc la la la la la.  YES!  I got onto My Health where I proceeded to:

1) message the sleep doc to say, "Yo!  I still need to have a sleep study done!"
     This resulted in a phone call about an hour later from someone going, 'OMG!!  What happened?!?  I can't believe we didn't contact you immediately!" Who proceeded to schedule me for tomorrow night.   I love Vandy.  Seriously, this woman must have apologized to me about five or six times for the office not calling me Right Away to reschedule.

2) message the gastroenterologist to say, "Ummm, I haven't heard about the biopsies... are we copocetic there??"  Seriously, I'm sure we are or they would have called but with the Planet in Retrograde...

3) sent an UberMessage to my neurologist telling her that Golly Gee Whiz I really wouldn't rather wait until July to see you cus'
     a) my headaches aren't getting any better... wheee!
     b) I'm tingling when I become more active; first it was just my arms, then from the waist up & now it's heaing into the hips & legs... wheeeee!  Doncha just love electrical stinging from the inside out??  ::grin::
     c) My pcp, Doc Jones (all hail Doc Jones, for whom I drive 45 miles just to see... she's just That Darn Good&trade;!) had a gazillion vials of blood drawn... okay, maybe it wasn't a gazillion... it just felt like that!  She's looking for rheumatoid factor, immunoassay IgA la la la which will be interesting to see since my Darling Daughter's gastroenterologist had two blood tests done which ended up with her having another test done at Doc Jones' office (she's a Family Practitioner, Jen'll be 18 in August), which got sent to an oncologist who wants her referred to an immunologist at Vandy (see a pattern here?) because he thinks Jen might have IgA deficiency.  Wheeeee!


Now it's time to collapse in exhaustion.  Take five million more meds... oh wait!  I did that one already.  But things can't be too awful bad because there aren't any cats in the room.  You see, there's a reason this blog is called Coping With Cats.  The cats help me cope with a lot of the stuff.  They purr and cuddle and let other people know when I'm in really really really bad shape.  They also let me know when I need to get off the computer.  ::grin::  Like... uh... now!!  But first I'll put up a note on LJ.  Welcome.  Please feel free to comment, boost the signal, and join the ride.

"Mmmmmm.  See, if you scritch me you'll feel better."
-Lady Audrey Nova StarWatcher

First Post

I started this blog so I'd have a place to write about things other than just the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde who have their own blog.  I was going to write more (and will) but my Darling Daughter, who has bipolar disorder/ADD/anxiety disorder & is a Senior in HS, just texted, texted, texted, texted & then called because she's having panic attacks.  ::sigh::  Which means that rather than have my daily stay collapsed in the bed because my wrists have been killing me (along with everything else lately) due to the Planet Being in Retrograde (no, really!!  I'm sure that's it!) I need to go pick her up.  When she called she sounded really bad, so I'm off to the rescue!!  Fortunately we have ice cream at home.  It won't cure things, and I am bringing along her anti-anxiety med (which won't cure things either), but it will make it a wee bit more bearable.