Sunday, December 18, 2011


3.1 Not good.  The question is, was it really just that med I was taking?  And how the flip do I tell if it's back to normal?  I mean, that chest pain is still there.  And where is all that flipping bruising coming from?  As much as I really really really don't want to be stuck in a hospital, I'd dearly love to be in one where they would just play with my blood & stuff until they figure out what the frip is wrong with me.  I am so sick & tired of being sick & tired.  It bites.  Big time.

On top of that I have hot & cold running mid-life crisis old man.  Three months after walking out the door he's living with her.  Now admittedly he's had a stroke.  I did say that I was glad he had somewhere he would be monitored 24/7 but I didn't mean fricking move in with her on a permanent basis.  And I don't care if he doesn't like it, he's not getting out of going to therapy.  It has nothing to do with getting back together.  It has to do with a) helping me b) him learning how to fricking communicate since THAT is why he fricking left in the first place c) helping me d) helping my children.

But I'm tried of hot & cold running man.  I guess that's really reason c.  He's conflicted & he feels guilty.  he should feel guilty.  He left a suicidally depressed woman abruptly with no good support base.  He never EVER did anything to try to FIX the situation at ANY time even though I asked.  I tried asking for help but he never got it.  He never heard it.  I know that I did things wrong.  I hold 50% of the blame.  But otoh I DID ask what was wrong.  I DID ask for him to go with me to therapy and was brutally rebuffed.


So, how long has my potassium been low?  I need to look at my medical papers.  Which is difficult since a certain young lady sucks at cleaning her room, rather like my mother & late brother & aunts at the same age.  David & I were both neatniks.  What other vitamin/mineral deficiencies could I have?  And if I do, and they've made a problem you know what the first thing I'll hear out of him??  "Well I TOLD you you weren't eating right."  I need a tissue.


  1. IMHO: He's male. Expecting fairness from a male person dooms one to disappointment. The one I lived with would appear to be listening attentively, and would respond at the correct points. Sometimes he could even repeat to me what I said. Still, follow through was lacking.

    How long has your potassium been low? My guess is that it crept up gradually, because medications and pain use up traces of minerals vitamins.

    You can't fix anyone but yourself. Your redecorating project counts as a fix. Your pain control experiments count as a fix. You can't merely ask your male partner for help. You have to demand it, with specific consequences before said male will ever hear it.

    Men of a certain age, regardless of what they tell you while wooing you, appear not to understand the partnership agreement. They also tend not to want to see that they've shoved 90 percent of the home maintenance and parenting chores off onto women, and even if they saw if, I'm not sure they'd make the connection between that and a chronically tired/ill partner.

  2. I have no idea how long my potassium has been low. I know that I can't change anyone but myself. ::sigh:: As for home maintenance, he was doing 99% of that, which made him feel like the Little Red Hen. I was left doing the parenting chores because he decided that being a step-parent he didn't have to do it since they weren't jumping when he said jump. The problem wasn't that him doing that made me chronically tired/ill but that he didn't understand how ill I was at the time. Neither of us are good communicators.

    I should have insisted on both of us going to therapy but I'm an adult survivor and have trouble telling a male in a position of authority to do something. Not an excuse, just the reason... but that's also why I'm insisting that he go to therapy with me now. Oh, and he didn't tell me anything while wooing me that he failed at... more the other way around. I said I would be doing 'x' and then my health went. Again, the problem was him not understanding invisible disabilities.